ME, before you, us, we

Odd right, I mean when we are in a relationship we tend to think we should consider the other person’s feelings and needs before our own, right? I want to counter this argument. I believe that too many people jump into relationships because people think that when they have a partner they will finally be whole and complete. And that is why we are so devastated when things end, because we convince ourselves that we need the other person to be happy and okay- without them we are lost.

Let that last sentence sink in… that is quite sad isn’t it ...to think that you cannot be happy or whole without another person, and people change, and people leave…so are we doomed to a lifetime of seeking our other halves just to be happy?

No! In an Instagram video, Will Smith spoke about how he told his wife Jada, that he was done-done trying to make her happy. Many girls would be like “What! Excuse me! Does my happiness mean nothing to you?!”-outrage. But why does it need to be someone else’s job to ensure you are happy. If they leave, is that it-You’re going to be sad until some other guy takes over? REAL TALK-that’s dumb.

Why can’t we work and develop ourselves so that we are the reason we are happy, you can never leave yourself, you are constant. In the long term it makes more sense to focus on yourself and ensure you are happy, so that you are not left waiting for a normal human being to be saving grace.

It is definitely time you put yourself and your happiness first, because only when you are happy by yourself and you are able to pick yourself up in the dark times can you truly have a meaningful relationship with someone else.

Here is a snippet from a relevant tweet, a friend sent me:

A girl asked her guy friend why she couldn’t find a good guy who would stay, the guy friend proceeded to ask her what she wanted out of life-she said, “happiness and success”, pretty vague if you ask me. He then asked her to be more specific, to describe her personality, her interests and hobbies (NO, Instagram is not one!). She found it very hard to describe those things, and he said that many 20-year old's make the mistake of trying to merge with someone (become whole) and call it a relationship, and walk through life with someone, yet neither of them knew where they were headed in terms of their individual goals and life objectives.

He states that young people, don’t yet know their purpose or end goals yet they insist on having someone walk with them through life with no direction or destination. Two individuals who have separate life paths with no direction want to walk together -sounds like the blind leading the blind.

He continues to state that people who don’t now themselves or their purpose should enter relationships cautiously, because how can two walk together when they don’t even know who they are to begin with.

So, focus on getting to know yourself, who you are, what you want, your goals and dreams, and what your purpose is, before you drag someone along a journey that really has no destination. Yes, put YOU before anyone else.