#PowerCouples
Research shows, that couples who do goal setting and actively achieve their goals together, have healthier and stronger relationships. We all know that if you’re in a relationship most of your time is spent with your “bae”, and since this is the person you’re surrounded with the most, having similar goals will make it easier to achieve. Essentially, couple goals have the same impact as team goals- you are held accountable, you have a support system and most importantly you are doing it together.
We interviewed two couples, to see their take on what it means to share goals with each other.
Chante and Nicholas
Have been together for 3 years and 5 months, but love to round it off to 4 years to make it sound more official. Here’s what they have to say about setting goals together as a couple 😊
When did you start setting goals together and what type of goals do you set?
Most times we set individual goals as we both are very motivated and goal driven in our own right , but we support each other when it comes to achieving our own personal and professional goals that we set for ourselves. We would usually communicate our goals to each other informally. We won’t literally sit down and start listing our goals. So it’s not really a planned activity that we complete together.Our goals are usually academic, fitness, professional as well as about personal growth. More recently we started setting religious goals together as a couple which we must admit has probably been the most challenging. When it comes to “couple goals” we would usually casually discuss what we want in the future and set short-term as well as long term goals together. These usually relate to family goals and our future home goals lol. For example, when we walk past nice things one of us would say “say one day I want that in my kitchen” or “my lounge must look like that” lol or we would see a child crying somewhere and be like “nah, just one”.
Do you achieve these goals together or in your own right?
We would say a bit of both. We achieve them together by supporting each other, motivating each other and just being there when the other wants to complain.There are however times in our relationship where our personal goals are in conflict with our couple goals but we usually discuss it and try to make them align. It can be a challenging thing to do, given we both stubborn by nature but we always seem to figure it….. well eventually.We also give each other space to achieve our individual goals. We very understanding when it comes to having to say no to certain things at certain times and not expecting the other to be in constant contact and there are weekends that we have to sacrifice and know that we cannot see each other because there are priorities that need to be taken care of.
How do you reward and motivate each other for sticking to these goals?
We would usually celebrate by going for supper, which totally defeats our fitness goals but in the moment it feels so right and worth it. lWe would also buy small gifts which relates to the goal achieved. It’s nothing extravagant but it still very motivating and fun.We really had fun answering these few questions. It made us realise that setting goals together and motivating each other is a necessity for a healthy relationship. We have also realised how important it is for personal growth. It is important to differentiate between your personal and couple goals so that you do not get lost in your relationship and you are still able to assert your independence. You must know when to align them and when they should not be compromised because of how much it means to you and that it is important for your partner to respect that.
Azrah and Saleh
Azrah and Saleh have been together for a total of 7 years ! They got engaged on the 20 December 2017 and he was her first kiss- so these two are definitely couple goals !
When did you start setting goals together and what type of goals do you set?
Since we started dating at such a young age we didn’t think much of setting goals together (you don’t exactly expect a relationship to last at that age with all the teen drama and whatnot haha). But the closer we got to matric the more serious we had to become about our futures. So I think that would be around about the time we started setting goals and planning our futures. We both wanted to further our educations and go to tertiary institutions, so we set a goal to get into the University of Cape Town. We also set goals in other aspects of our lives like him bulking up to make first team rugby and me making the Western Province hockey team. All our goals focused around our futures and ambitions in life whether it was big or small. If it meant something we’d be encouraging.
Do you achieve these goals together or in your own, right?
Like most things in life you win some and you lose some and that definitely applied to goals as well. For example, Saleh is graduating in April from his Business Science degree in Finance and I’m going to my third year in Bachelor of Commerce majoring in Information systems. Life throws you curveballs but it’s what you make of it. We’ve both achieved and failed together and individually through time. The most recent goal was Saleh finding a job at a prestigious company. Although this was his goal I think we take things upon ourselves, so it was almost like it was my goal too and I wanted to help in any way possible and he does/would do the same for me.
How do you reward and motivate each other for sticking to these goals?
We are both very rational people so we’re always looking at the pros and cons of any situation. What we’ve found works for us is an incentive scheme, for example, him gaining a job will mean being able to save up to travel. It helps push us in those times of self-doubt or laziness. Sticking to one’s goals can be difficult but having someone else being there through it with you lightens the load in a way. We’ve learnt what works and what doesn’t and it also depends on the situation. For example, in one moment one of us may need tough love or in another instance we’d need an encouraging pep talk. And as much as there’s a reward at the end of the tunnel I think we’ve also learnt to appreciate the journey and how it has molded us to being better together and individually.
xoxo
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